in Bed... for awhile.

Another blog written about pregnancy... before we were telling people we were pregnant. 

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Even though we had good results from the blood work, our worry and fear didn't stop after that first visit to the doctor. The spotting continued for another week and a half. So we were back at the office for an ultrasound... once again to check if our baby was still alive.

The morning of the exam, I passed a clot the size of the nickel. Terror. But, we saw the heartbeat! Sigh of relief. I couldn't believe it! I honestly thought that it was over, I wasn't pregnant anymore and it would be only bad news. Praise Jesus that wasn't true! Our baby was alive and doing well. But there was a small subchorionic bleed. Not serious for the baby, but required rest until the bleed resolved itself.

So began 5 days of semi-bed rest. (which eventually became almost 14 weeks of semi-bed rest. Seriously, I could barely even go to pottery class!)

Once again, all I could do was lay there and let God do His thing. Literally, there was nothing I could do but lay there and trust Him.

Today was the follow up with the Doctor. To bid my time and distract myself before the appointment, I watched The Prince of Egypt.  [Seriously, don't put eye make-up on before watching this movie if you're pregnant. Seriously. First scene. Tears. Lots and lots of tears.]

No, I didn't put this movie in because I had already gone through all of the other DVDs in our house. I've been reading through the book of Exodus recently, and when you read about the parting of the Red Sea, you just want to see it. Now, I have been doubtful about the relevancy of this book to my present life. I mean come on, I don't live in Egypt, I'm not wandering through the desert and I've never been forced to build a pyramid by first making the bricks out of mud and straw. But, surprisingly, I've drawn a lot of comfort from this epic book.

What really caused the tears to flow today was considering Moses' mom, Jochebed.

The Bible says a lot of things about Jochebed... she was Moses' mom. She was an Israelite slave. She knew that Pharaoh was coming to kill babies. She put her youngest son into a basket coated with tar and set him afloat in a river.

The Bible doesn't say why Jochebed sent her baby floating down a major waterway... did God tell her to? Did she just hope he would be picked up somewhere safe? Was she thinking it's better if he died "naturally" then at the end of a sword? Did she simply set him adrift and pray that God would keep him safe?

Whatever her reasons, Jochebed gave up control of her tiny son. She didn't know if he would live or die, but she took a great risk and left him totally at the mercy of God. She knew she was powerless to keep him safe, and she let God take over.  Moses' mother let God have complete control of her son; and God used him to lead a nation.

What will God do with my children if I let him?

in Stability

A blog about the Baby... written before we were telling people that we're pregnant. 

Monday, February 11th

A friend had a quote on her blog the other day...

If life were stable, I'd never need God's help.  Since it's not, I reach out for Him regularly.  I am thankful for the unknowns and that I don't have control, because it makes me run for God. 

(Francis Chan)

I copied it onto our bathroom mirror with Dry-erase marker. It is something I have repeated to myself over and over these past few weeks. What else can you do when you are waiting for the results of a blood test that will tell you whether your baby is alive or dead? 

We found out we were pregnant early... at 3 1/2 weeks. So when I started spotting a week later, it was pretty awful... it was still too early for an ultrasound, too early for the comfort of a moving baby, too early to even tell people we were pregnant. A few friends called, texted, sent Facebook messages to find out what was going on... "why did I go from being so excited to so quiet and scared?" "you're on my mind, what's going on?" "I heard you're pregnant, how you feeling?" So I gathered these people asked them to pray, then held on tight. There was nothing else to do but wait.  

A blood test on Monday to check my initial hormone level... wait, wait, wait. Watch the clock on Tuesday. Try not to lose my mind. Distract myself as much as possible. Clock ticking... slowly, slowly, slowly... willing the sun to set faster, to rise sooner. The sun doesn't listen to me. Follow up blood test on Wednesday... if the hormone level has doubled, the baby is still alive. Wait 5 hours for the results... drive to a friend's house so I don't lose my mind. Pray. Pray. Pray. 

Finally get a call back 15 minutes before the office closes... hormone level has doubled. Praise God. 

Those 2 1/2 days were the most helpless I have ever felt in my entire life. There was literally nothing I could do to change the fate of my baby. God had already written the number of days of his/her life... and it is not in my power or control to change that. But I can pray. and I can worship. and I can trust God. and I can give up control. 

and this is not the last time in this Baby's life that I will have to do that. It is only the beginning of this lesson... and in the end, God will still be more faithful, more loving and more good than I can ever understand.