(One more about Service Emphasis Week...)
I learned a great lesson during SEW... I felt like I got one step closer to a conundrum that has plagued me for ages... a question that has caused sleepless nights and paced corridors in homes, college dormrooms and monasteries for weeks, years, centuries... What is the difference, really, between having fear and being afraid? If the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, as Proverbs states, how is it that we are supposed to love, worship and draw close to that which we fear?
Swimming lessons and SCUBA diving has helped me get one small step closer to an answer.
During swimming lessons with the women of our support staff, we started with 10 women, most of whom were deathly afraid of the water. We had them get into the shallow end, and walk in a large square so they could find the boundaries in which they felt secure. Most of them gripped the wall of the pool so tightly that I praised God for the adhesive holding the back of the tiles in place. Amy and Laura were doing a great job with the women. They started with all the basic strokes and some of the women started venturing out farther and farther from the wall. One young woman decided she wanted to try kicking on her own, without the protection and security of the wall. So with two fun noodles tucked securely, one under each arm, she pushed off from the wall. She kicked with all her might and succeded, not in moving forward, but in flipping herself over. She immediatley panicked and started screaming for help! Laura looked up at me, "She's in 3 ft of water, she can stand up!" I replied, "She doesn't know that. You need to help her up." Laura rescued her and calmly led her back to the wall where she could grasp the slippery tiles and regain her balance. Afterwards, she realized she could stand up, and was in no real danger, so she laughed at herself good naturedly. By the end of the week, she was doing the elementary backstroke and the freestyle kick.
I had my own "afraid" experience that same day. We have a large problem with black algae growing on the bottom of the pool. The only way to clean it is to scrape it... with some sort of blunt tipped instrument. But, you can only hold your breath for so long and the constant dive-resurface motion only accomplishes a large headache and ringing ears. So, we rented SCUBA equipment to scrub the bottom of the pool. Two of the lifeguards are certified divers and my roommates sister, who is also dive trained, was visiting that week and offered to help.
Laura and Jo prepping the equipment.
Learning to SCUBA is on my list of things to do before I die so I was VERY EXCITED. Learning to SCUBA is on my list of things to do before I die because I never wanted to do it because I am afraid of it. (Being an asthmatic, I tend to panic with anything that restricts my airflow.) I was VERY SCARED. Jo (my roomies sister) suited me up, taught me how to breathe and jumped in the pool with me. I got my head underwater, then panicked. I resurfaced immediately. There I was, in a 9 foot pool, surrounded by my students who I had trained as Lifeguards, taught them how to control their fears, encouraged them to do more, be more, train more... and I was panicking because I couldn't breathe normally. Jo talked me through it. Mind over matter. I was afraid but I had nothing really to be afraid of. Yes, I did make it down to the bottom of the pool. I did "conquer" that fear.
All 4 students working hard on the bottom of the pool.
Afterwards, as my lifeguards went back down to finish scraping the bottom of the pool, I had some time to think about the difference between fear and afraid.
I was afraid because of past panics... past experiences... past pain. These women were afraid because they didn't know what to do. Now that we had learned what to do, how to conquer our fear, were we really better off?
I wonder now if we have really down a good thing. We have taught the basics in swimming. But, have we taught the proper respect for the water? Now that these men and women are no longer afraid of the water, have we put them in greater danger?
I'm a trained Lifeguard. I have pulled numerous people out of dangerous situations. I can swim for an hour straight, cover a distance of 2 km and still get out and take a cycling class. But I never swim alone and I never swim in the dark. Why? Because I have a healthy respect for something that can kill me. If I ever take a casual attitude towards a body of water, that's when trouble starts and accidents happen. I'm not afraid of it, but I have a healthy fear of it. I respect what it is capable of, but I take every opportunity I have to enjoy it.
That's what I learned about be afraid of God and having a "fear of the Lord." I cannot take Him too casually or lose my respect for what He is capable of doing, accomplishing, creating. But, I also need to take every opportunity I have to enjoy Him.
Suited up and ready to go!
