in Love (Part 4)

September 17, 2011.... 

Michael and I were officially dating. I was elated! I was excited! I was a bit nervous because somewhere in the US was a computer monitoring the changes in my heartbeat from the monitor I was wearing around my neck. (I was afraid some sort of alarm was going off somewhere every time Michael would hug me! He still remembers the First Alert lanyard with fondness... ) But Michael was there for me... when I was nervous about the stress tests and the EKGs, he talked me through it, having had to go through similar testing himself. When the doctors discovered an irregular heartbeat and put me on medication to control it, Michael was able to knowingly comfort me because his sister-in-law had been through similar difficulties. God's timing is perfect! After years of waiting and struggling and helping friends get down the aisle, God broke my heart at just the right time so He could provide a man who knew how to help me pick up the pieces.

Our first "official" date was at a nearby Mexican restaurant. Sitting across from Michael at the table, I was suddenly nervous and tongue-tied... what do I say now that we are a "couple"? Michael broke the ice by telling me that after our "chance" dinner and long conversation the summer of 2010, he had spent a number of months trying to figure out how to "casually" visit me in Dar es Salaam. After realizing the excuse "I was in the neighborhood and thought we could have a coffee" wouldn't work, he explained that he had given up on the idea but felt like he couldn't ask me to give up and leave a place where God had asked me to serve. Torn between what he wanted and how he saw God using me, he did the only thing he could do... he didn't tell me to stay or come home, he just prayed for me. (Sometimes prayer moves mountains... and sometimes prayer buys plane tickets to cross an ocean.) After listening to Michael and spending time with him on a date, I drove home and completely freaked out.

"AHHHH! I can't date a guy in America, I live in Africa! And this guy is amazing, but isn't there a rule about friends and boys...? Does dating mean we can't be friends anymore? AHHH! What if there is something seriously wrong with my heart, will he still like me if I'm sick? What if I want to still live overseas and he doesn't? What if he wants to live overseas and I can't anymore? I've never been anyone's girlfriend before, what if I'm really bad at it! AHHHHHH!"

As I freaked out and prayed, God chuckled and led me to Song of Solomon 2: 10-12: "See! The winter is past, the rains are over and gone. Flowers appear on the Earth; the time of the singing of birds has come...." (Michael told me later about Him using the same verse in their conversation.)
Then God told me to check the list.

"Yeah, right, God. That list is stupid, I made it in college. Everybody says not to have a list. I can't check that."

"Ahem. WHO says not to have a list? I'm GOD, remember? I win. Check the list." (God is very gracious with me when I argue back with Him. :)

I pulled out a wrinkled piece of watercolor paper that I had used my best black pen to write a list of the traits I wanted in a husband my junior year of college... 10 years earlier, a year before I had even met Mike. I was reading a book called Lady in Waiting at the time. This book was pretty big among the single girls in college at the time. It was centered on the life of Ruth and encouraged you not to wait for a man but to serve God faithfully wherever he has you. (Not sure if I would recommend this book now... haven't read it in years. But I guess it was helpful at the time I first read it.) The book also encouraged you to not settle for any man, but to wait for a "Boaz," a loving, faithful man who served God above all else. So I made a list of a number of character traits I wanted in a husband... traits like loving, kind, forgiving, prayerful, seeks appropriate relationships, desires children, etc.all backed up with Biblical evidence... and a few bonus ones like plays the guitar and will dance with me in the kitchen. Over the years, in my cynicism and disappointment, I had crumbled and thrown the list away numerous times. But each time, through my tears, I would feel led to pull it back out and to keep hoping. (I would usually do this while saying something really holy and spiritual like, "Fine, God but you and I both know that this is stupid and pointless. But whatever!" :)

I smoothed out the paper and read through the words that lines of despair had tried to erase. Michael met everyone... almost. He got the bonus round (dancing and playing guitar) but there were 2 on there that I just didn't know about, yet. I hadn't "seen them in action." But I didn't have long to wonder...

The next day I drove to Columbus to meet Michael because before we were dating we had planned a trip to Cleveland to see friends. When Michael opened the door of his house, something was wrong.

"We have to talk," he said.

My heart dropped.  "Well, that didn't last long," I thought. Some stuff had come up during the week that we needed to talk through. So that night, we had our first hard conversation. (You know, the ones you try to avoid but when you finally have them, it's so good to just be able to talk about it?) Normally, this would be another insignificant fact, fading into memory and a catalog of past moments that only resurface when triggered by a short song clip that pounces on you while scanning through radio stations during a commercial break. But this conversation dealt with two very specific things... 2 very specific traits... traits that I hadn't yet seen in Michael... traits that completed a list that I had written 10 years ago while dreaming of another life.

Michael Schlatt was the man of my dreams.
God wasn't kidding when He said Delight yourself in me and I will give you the desires of your heart. (Ps, 37:4)

6 months after our first date, Michael proposed... in a food court at a mall, in front of my family and a number of my friends. He had my sister in on all the planning, so she had an appointment set to shop for wedding dresses the next day. Two days later, we booked the reception hall... the last day open for the entire summer which just happened to be one of our two free weekends.

10 weeks later we were married. Yes it was fast, but when God is in charge of the timing, He makes things happen exactly when they need to.


and whatever became of that pesky heart problem? Michael waited 6 months to propose because we didn't know if I was going to be moving out of the country again. I was supposed to be back in Africa September 2012. But at the end of January, my doctor told me she was going to keep me in the country at least another year until the medication had stabilized me. Shortly after that, Michael started ring shopping. Eight months later, I was seen by a new cardiologist... new marriage, new city, new doctor. This doctor looked at me, looked at my tests, looked at my age, listened to my heart and said, "I don't think you have a heart problem. Get off the medication." So I did. Six weeks later and my EKGs are NORMAL! No medicine, no irregular heartbeat... no heart problem.

Was it a misdiagnosis? Has my heart rehabilitated after an injury in Africa? Have I been miraculously healed? I don't think it matters. God is still in charge of all of it, and He is glorified!

But it does now appear that the purpose of my "heart problem" was to get me State side so God could fulfill my heart's desires! He is mysterious and He does work in His own time, but He is still God and He is oh, SO GOOD!

in Love (part 3)

September 2011... The story of how we "officially" started dating.

Thursday afternoons in Ohio can take on a number of different forms... drippy and chilled, warm sun with a clear sky, grey and despairing. I have no idea which one of these possibilities was THAT Thursday. The weather was unimportant to note on this day, this Thursday, this day that seemed like a regular Thursday. I know I had soup for dinner that night because I always had soup for dinner on Thursday nights. It was a small group night and soup was an integral part of our gatherings. I planned for that. I didn't plan to receive a certain text message from Michael that would change my life. (and yes, it really did feel as dramatic as I am making it sound.)

That Thursday afternoon, I was making banana bread. This fact is normally not worth mentioning since I am always baking some sort of bread type substance that has some form of bananas in it. (You think I'm kidding but I have Banana Muffins in my fridge right now and I am planning on doing some more baking later today. I am so well known for it, in fact, that I once paid rent just by baking banana bread for breakfast every week!) Michael has known me quite awhile, so he knows this thing about Banana Bread and me. Again, usually another non-important fact, which would lead a person to question the validity or wisdom in included a paragraph about Banana Bread in a love story! However, on this day, this Thursday, this non-descript-weather-September-day-in-Ohio-Thursday, I was baking banana bread; and when it was finished, I sent a quick text message to my friend, Mike Schlatt: "I just pulled a loaf of banana bread out of the oven. Haha!"

Yes, it was flirty; yes, it was crossing over the "Are we still just friends?" line; but I did it anyway. And I received two text messages in return...

"You are such a tease."

"I like it." 

and my mouth dropped open. I would have stopped perfectly still and pondered the weight of this for a few minutes, but I was coasting down a hill on Sharon Road, driving to small group. There was no time to stop and ponder, no time to wonder about the impact of this on my life, no time to reply. (Not enough stop lights between there and my destination.) 

I don't remember anything we studied that night or anything that may or may not have happened over the next few weeks. I remember talking to Michael every night on the phone for the next two weeks. I remember receiving more text messages, of the increasing flirty variety... "I logged onto Facebook just to look at your pictures. Is that creepy?" "If you stop by Columbus on your way home from Cleveland, maybe we can have dinner...?" and "Apple picking with your hair in braids? You're so cute I can't stand it!" My response to all these lovely thoughts? Panic and confusion. I showed the messages to a friend, "What does he mean? What is he saying?"

Her response: "It means he thinks you're cute. He likes you."

"That can't be it. Let's ask your husband, he knows Mike and speaks 'boy'. Let's see what he thinks"

His response: "It means he thinks you're cute. He likes you."

"But what do you think he is trying to say? What is his hidden meaning?"

Their response: "He thinks your're cute. He likes you."

It seemed too good to be true. 

As a long-time single girl who had survived numerous heart breaks and had often been treated like the "other girl", the "helpful best friend", and heard the "I'd hate to ruin our friendship by dating you" line, I expected that one day I would just have to settle for "some guy" that I had slowly whittled down through kindness served with baked goods, and after somehow tricking him into marrying me, we would "settle down comfortably" for the rest of our lives. The fact that Michael was calling me, texting me, pursuing me, excited to spend time with ME just seemed too good to be true. I had no idea that he had been praying about it, seeking God's face in it. When I had asked God about the "are we still just close friends?" question, He had always responded, "Wait for Michael." I figured that meant wait until I had worn Michael down enough until he wanted to date me. I had no idea it meant "Wait because he really likes you and wants to pursue you, I just haven't given him the green light, yet." "Wait because this is going to be totally worth it!" "Wait because you Trust Me and oh, have I got something good planned for you!!" 

It just seemed too good to be true.

So as I drove home from visiting with friends in Cleveland, I panicked and prayed in the van: "God, what is going to happen?" Not only was I driving towards Columbus to have dinner with this wonderful man who had been sending me all these "confusing" text messages, but I had an important/troubling message to deliver: My Dad wants to meet you. 

After leaving Africa, my parents let me move into their guest room. This was a welcome refuge but started to get a bit sticky when I was "communicating" so often with my "friend who is a boy." Yes, I was 32 but I was living at home and I was having dinner with a man who lived out of town and who I tended to turn 2 hour visits into 4 and 6 hour afternoons. This tendency also led me to ask them to set a curfew for me... not as a way of "keeping me out of trouble" but as a way of respecting their boundaries: Would they be okay with me rollin' in at 2 in the morning? Not so much, it turns out. They set the curfew at 10:00 and Dad wanted to meet Michael. How do you tell a guy you're not dating that your Dad wants to meet him?!? Panic. Panic. Panic. and for a girl with a heart problem, this is a bad, bad thing. 

I realized I had to calm down before my heart rate got any faster, so I prayed, "God, if you want this to come up in conversation with Mike tonight, just insert it at some point. I don't care how and when you do it, but you have to take care of this. I can't think about it anymore." and I moved on. 

40 miles later, as I was still an hour away from his house, Michael called me to see how far away I was and to find out how much time we had for dinner. It was almost 6pm and he was afraid my parents had set my curfew for 8:00. 

"My curfew? 10pm."

"Oh, good," he replied. "I'll get some good time to spend with you."

"Good?" I questioned. "That seemed short to me."

"Why?"

IN MY HEAD I thought in response to his question, "Well, when my siblings were dating their spouses, their curfew was midnight." OUT LOUD I said into the phone, 

"Well, when my siblings were dating... Oh, oh no! NO, NO, No! That's not what I meant! I mean... oh no!"

and I very nearly swerved off of Interstate 71. 

I panicked! Oh, God, I've done it! I've ruined my friendship with Michael! Why do I always do this? I've destroyed it all! Why? Why? Why? 

Michael simply laughed into the phone, "I bet you're about 4 shades of red right now."

"I am. I am." I weakly replied.

"Don't worry, I'm not, " was his smooth response. "I'm excited for our date tonight." 

and that was it. that was the moment. The moment we became an official couple.

and I very nearly swerved off of Interstate 71. 

in Love (part 2)

Summer of 2008... 

I was moving to Africa, Michael was going through a divorce. 

At my going away party, we both cried... a lot... afraid that we would never see each other again. 

We didn't speak to each other for 2 years.
I couldn't be that girl... the girl he ran to to process his divorce, his rebound.
I had to hope, pray, fast for the restoration of his marriage. Anything else seemed cruel and self-serving.

But he was still one of my ministry support partners. A small thing that made a BIG difference... it kept us connected. We didn't speak or email, but he read my prayer letters. He shared my life through blog posts. and God told him to wait... don't date, don't search. Song of Solomon 2:7... Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires. So Michael waited.

Summer of 2010...

I was in Ohio on Home Assignment. A friend's wedding in Columbus, visiting friends in Cleveland, driving through Columbus... one night, two free hours... I wondered if Mike was free for dinner. After all, he was part of my support team and one of the goals of home assignment is to reconnect with supporters. But he was a single guy, I was a single girl... it seemed weird to call up and say, "Hey, how 'bout dinner?" So I emailed his best friend's wife... were they free? Could we all have dinner, maybe? (Side note: They are also my friends... they bought my house when I left for Africa. Yes, God has a good time with me. :)

The verdict? Yes, in fact, they were already planning to have dinner together THAT night at THAT time because Mike was going to babysit afterwards. But would it be okay if they left quickly afterwards for a church function? I could still hang out with Mike if I wanted to...

um, yes!

I was supposed to be home at 8:00 that night. I got home at 11:30 because Mike and I talked for 3 hours.
I got home and told my sister, "I'm very confused! Mike is so great! But I'm leaving for Africa again next week. I don't know what to do!!" She smiled.

a week later, I got back on an airplane.

Winter 2010...

I'm back in Ohio to meet my new niece. I plan to visit Mike the week after Christmas. Instead, I end up in an emergency room and a quarantined hospital bed with a strange case of pneumonia that I am unable to shake. But I don't tell Mike... I don't want him to see me like this!

It takes a month to get back to Tanzania. I finally get back on the plane, back to the heat, back to my life... a week goes by and God convicts... Email Mike.

"What? Seriously, God, you've got to be kidding me. I'm not doing that." Off to bed, tossing, turning, resisting... 10 minutes, 20 minutes, 30 minutes...  after an hour I finally give in and do what God wants me to. I send off a message...

"Hey, just wondering how you're doing... sorry I missed you, I was in the hospital or something like that. You know, I'm casual and cool. No big deal. whatever."
Your friend,
Kate.

Then I waited... hoping to see his name in my inbox. One day, two. There it is! There it is! I mean, I'm casual and cool. No big deal. whatever.

We emailed a lot... back and forth.. always anticipating, wondering, hoping to see his name in my inbox. I was still struggling to breathe, to cope. Everyone in Tanzania wanted me to stay. Everyone in Ohio wanted me to come home. Mike said, "I'm praying for you." He became my safe space to process and think.

Spring 2011...

Packing up my home in Tanzania, earlier than expected. Hoping to return. Wanting to stay, but needing to go. Back in Ohio, I struggled to heal. Doctors tested and wondered... my lungs were clear but my heart was a problem. More tests, medication, doctors visits. This is not the life I wanted! GOD, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

Trust me.

One Saturday afternoon, Michael emailed: was I free for lunch tomorrow?

Yes. Inexplicably, yes. My family was leaving town, but I was staying. How about we meet halfway between Cincinnati and Columbus? I think there's an outlet mall there. (Oh, good. Not romantic. We are still just friends.)

Lunch was wonderful. After talking for 4 hours, I realized that spending time with Michael just made me want to spend more time with Jesus. He talked about Him like a close friend and his "God stories" made me want to experience more of His presence. 

After lunch, we emailed more, we texted, we talked on the phone. 

Labor Day, 2011...

Mike suggests we meet for lunch again. Really, the outlet mall again? No, he says, and he drives away... through cornfields and pastures we talk and share more stories. Funny stories about the students in my Youth Group, amazing stories about his moments with the worship band. We get to an artsy, college town filled with hippies, coffee shops and painted murals. We have lunch, then go for a walk. We have coffee, then go for another walk. He drives to a state park; we hike around. He return me to the outlet mall and my minivan where we watch the sunset. 

As he hugs me good-bye, I try really hard not to say anything incriminating. I try really hard not to do anything incriminating. Sigh. Just get in the van and drive away. 

When I get home (6 hours late) Mom remarks, "So, how was it?"

The most romantic non-date I've ever had. 

When Mike gets home, his housemate comments, "So...?"

Mike responds, "Come on, God. Do I still have to wait?"

God responds, "Song of Solomon. 2:7-13... Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires... See? The winter is past; the rains are over and gone. Flowers appear on the Earth; the season of singing has come. 

Yes, now is the time. Go for it!" 

(I promise I'm not purposely building suspense here... it's just a long story so I figured I'd break it up. Wednesday I'll post PART 3... how the dating, engagement and marriage happened. Oh yes, and whatever became of that heart problem? :)

in Love (part 1)

This week was an anniversary (of sorts) for my hubby and I . Last year on Labor Day, we met for lunch, then had coffee, then went for a walk in the woods, then watched the sunset together... then drove home very quickly because we were both suddenly very confused. When I walked in the door and my mom asked me how the day was, I responded,

"That was the most romantic non-date I've ever had."

We were both very happy that this year was much less confusing.

So in honor of this being Labor Day week and all, I decided I would finally post "our story." (Especially for my friends in Tanzania who had never heard of Mike until I announced that I was going to marry him. :)


Our story begins over 10 years ago at The Ohio State University. In 2002 I had just graduated with my Chemistry degree when I took a camping trip with a group of friends from a campus ministry called Mosaic Church. I was still brand new to playing my guitar but of course I brought it along anyway since you have to have music around a campfire... but it gets dark around a campfire and when you can't see the chords on the page or your fingers on the strings and it doesn't really matter anyway because you're not playing any of the songs that you practiced with the other guys... you put your guitar down and decide to sing along with everybody else. and that's when I noticed Mike, illuminated by the firelight, strumming away on songs that seemed ridiculously hard for me. It seemed like he could play any song, any rhythm, any style... even in the dark! I was so impressed. :) (He had already noticed me at a leader's meeting, impressed by my openness and vulnerability. If you've ever been in a Bible study with me you know that I can only last so long before spilling my guts out to everybody and their mother.) Mike was still in his third year, working on his engineering degree. We had actually been living in the same dorm for almost two years, but we never noticed each other. I was friends with two of his roommates, but we had never really connected. And now that he had caught my eye with his amazing music skills... I had to stay far away from him since he was dating one of my friends.

As I got my first teaching jobs and Mike graduated, we stayed close friends... traveling to concerts in Cleveland, both being part of the wedding party in a friends ceremony, hanging out for coffee/tea... but never alone. Mike was that guy that I was always attracted to and always respected... the guy that I compared every other guy to... the guy that I had no hope of ever being with since he married someone else right out of college. You know that friend of mine he was dating? Yep, he married her.

and yep, I was a bridesmaid in the wedding.

Yes, I realize that most love stories don't begin with "and I was a bridesmaid" but Mike and I look back and find evidence of these 2 things...
1) God is sovereign.
2) He always has been and always will be holding onto us.

I'll post Part 2 (aka How Mike and I went from "just friends" to "um.... are we... uh, are we still just friends?") on Monday. Happy Weekend!