in the family way... the post that I didn't write last year.

It's been over a year since I wrote a blog post. I was going along there pretty consistently for awhile but then something happened... something very unexpected, very wonderful and very unplanned. We got pregnant. And then lots of things happened... sickness... and school... and Hebrew... and new doctors... and new friends... and a daughter.

And now there are 5 of us.

It's not a great photo... but it's us:
Sleep deprived, sweaty, upset and in love. 

And it took me awhile to figure out what I wanted to say about all this... and then I didn't know if I was allowed to say it... and then God put me on the spot one day during church.

Our Pastor was teaching on something from the Bible that had great impact to our lives and was filled with important and enlightening truths... or something (church these days =  comforting a baby and shushing a toddler). In the middle of all this exposition and encouragement, he asked us to to take a moment to be silent, then tell God whatever we wanted to tell him. So I did:

"God, I'm mad at you."

Wait, what?
Oh no, so that's in there.
Dang it.

And then I remembered about three c-sections in less than 4 years, a husband who is working and in school full-time, three kids 3 and under, SO MANY DIAPERS, never a moment alone, never losing the baby weight because there are always more babies... and, most importantly, how we were trying NOT to get pregnant.

So I realized that I WAS mad at God.

And then I felt terrible!! Because so many friends, family, strangers on Facebook have been disappointed in their pursuit of trying to start a family. There are so many women who have cried and cursed God as another fruitless month goes by. And here I am, drowning under so many blessings and angry about the timing. It seemed foolish. It seemed ridiculous. It seemed selfish.

But there you are... I was mad at God last year when we found out that we were pregnant. So I didn't write about being "in the family way" like I did for my other kiddos.

So here you go Baby Girl, this one's for you.


Last year, I got pregnant.

And then we found out that we were having a girl!

So we rearranged our house and gave away lots of boy clothes and figured out how to put three kids in one bedroom. Then we had a c-section.

And now we have a daughter!!!

And she is gorgeous and wonderful and smart and a true blessing and light to our lives!


And yes, she is adored by her brothers. :)

 


And God and I? Well, we're working it out. But that's another post for another time. (Hopefully, next week. But kids are crazy and who knows what could happen between now and then.)